The joy of being a non-connoisseur

Recently, I went so see an Indian classical performance by wife of a friend of ours in an auditorium in a neighboring town. Well trained in music, she sang a variety of classical pieces for almost two hours to an audience comprised of friends and family.

I thought it was a good performance, but some of us in the group, who are connoisseurs of Indian classical music, thought she was OK. Now, I am not a neophyte in this type of music. I took courses when I was young and have enjoyed listening to performances over the years. However, I am not an expert or a discriminating listener. That fact actually played in my favor---while I enjoyed the music, some others did not.

The same thing happens when I go to good restaurants. I enjoy all types of foods and am quite adventurous when it comes to eating. But I am not a foodie, say, like a friend of mine who is able to detect the level of oregano in a dish and complain when it is not to his liking. I would not know an oregano if I met one nor detect the presence or absence of it in food. So, a joyful meal for me is not so for him.

I have started to think that being a non-connoisseur brings more joy in participating in an activity than being one.

To take it further, one should learn to enjoy lots of things in life but stop short of becoming an expert in any. The level of joy is like a bell-shaped curve, the peak being somewhere in the middle. After which it goes downhill.

Unfortunately, in some activities, I have managed to go beyond that happy middle and started to miss the joy that comes with not being discriminating.

Take photography for instance. I have started disliking most pictures I see, as my level of appreciation for that art increases. I cannot stand those Facebook pictures that are dark, out of focus, and taken with utter disregard of composition. In doing so, I completely miss the warmth that should some out of seeing party pictures of some friend or relative. The same thing with movies. I do not have patience for most Bollywood or Hollywood movies. I need an exquisitely crafted independent or foreign film before I feel satisfied with the movie watching experience.

So, my resolution for the New Year is to dumb down on activities where I have started knowing too much, and keep being ignorant where I currently am.

That is the only way to joy ;-)

Lessons from six decades

In a few days I will finish six decades of existence. Like the other “milestone” birthdays, this event provides a good opportunity to reflect on what these years have taught me. Of course, it is quite difficult to put all the lessons learned in a neat and short Blog-post, but here is my brave attempt at identifying six-most important ones. As you would observe they are all interrelated, building on each other, and I have discussed a couple of them in earlier posts.

Make physical fitness an integral part of your life: This is an important one because doing so may or may not increase how long you live (you can still have a bus run over you) but it definitely increases the quality of your life. You can not only do more activities later in your life, but enjoy each one better. Growing up in a country like India, where becoming smarter was emphasized far more than becoming stronger, this was a difficult leap to make. Fortunately, I had some role models---people who are not only wiser than me but stronger.

Emphasize collecting experiences more than collecting wealth: I firmly believe that when my time comes, I would feel a lot more satisfaction in having had great experience in my life than the size of my bank balance. These experiences include seeing different places, doing different things, and meeting different people. As Thoreau said “…when I come to die, (I should not) discover that I had not lived.” The lesson? Live!

Take joy in small things: There are big experiences and there are the small ones. The big experiences are few and far between but the small ones are plenty. A glass of wine, a cup of coffee, a book, a hike, an evening with friends. Unless we learn to enjoy the small experiences, we won’t get the full benefit of what life has to offer. One needs to be able to take joy in doing the same thing day in and day out, because, let’s face it, even for the most fortunate amongst us, that is what the life is about. Can you see the same object with fresh eyes? Find new nuances in the same piece of music?

Learn to ride the two “horses”: As per one of my previous posts, we need to do the best we can AND be happy with what we have. We need to work hard to achieve our goals in life, but at some point, we need to switch horse and enjoy what we have without being envious of people who have more or regretting what we have not been able to achieve.

Don’t live for others: I am defining “living for others” as aspects of our lives that are driven by our desire to impress. If we remove those, there will be little material impact but we will be able to devote a lot more time (and money) to doing things we truly enjoy.

Live for others: Switching to the more conventional definition of “living for others,” people who are able to do that have found true joy in their lives. This is perhaps the most important lesson, something I hope to put in practice in the next few years!

Riding two horses

When we are growing up, we are given two contradictory messages. One is “do the best you can.” The other, “be happy with what you have.” If you are supposed to do the best you can, why would you stop striving for something better than what you have? On the other hand, if you are happy with what you have, why would you strive for anything better?

As we grow older, these messages manifest themselves in the following way.

We work hard to get the highest education, most money, most fame and most of whatever we decide our life’s preferences are. The culture of maximizing sets in, one in which nothing is every good enough. We find every situation wanting and every achievement a mere stepping stone to something better.

The message of being happy with what you have…it is almost forgotten by most, and for the others, it becomes the source of an aimless life without any drive or motivation. For most of us, who do not start with much, this type of complacency leads to hard life.

I think that one needs to have both to be truly happy. One needs to do the best one can AND be happy with what one has. This is not simple to achieve, because, as I said they contradict each other. It is like riding two horses at once. Perhaps the way out is to ride one horse at a time and figure out how and when to change horses.

So, we need to work hard to achieve, but at some point, we need to switch horse and enjoy what we have without being envious of people who have more or regretting what we have not been able to achieve. We should certainly try to live in the best place you can, but then get off that “achievement” horse and get on the “contentment” one. Learn to enjoy where you live, even if that place turns out to be Cleveland.