Besieges

 I received what I thought to be a message from postal service, informing me that I needed to provide some more details so that they can deliver a package. I clicked on the link they provided and ended up on a website that looked very official. After I provided more details, I was asked to provide a credit card number so they can charge for the second delivery. Stupidly I did. No surprise when after a few days, my credit card was charged for all types of fake services and purchases. Fortunately, the credit card company caught it and informed me. All the charges were removed and we got new cards.

That was just the beginning of the new sophisticated phase of scamming.

 

I got a message from a hotel I had booked using Booking.com in Sucre, Bolivia. It said that the credit card they were holding my reservation under was rejected and I needed to provide a new card with all the information. Otherwise, my reservation would be cancelled. I decided to cancel my reservation just to be safe and booked in another hotel. Soon afterward, I got a real message from the hotel saying that Booking.com had suffered a hack and we should not respond to the previous message.

 

My wife got a message soon after we got new debit cards that they had information of misuse and unless we provide more information, they would cancel the debit cards. The message was from an email address we did not recognize, so we did not respond. No idea how they found out we had a new debit card.

 

There was a posting from a friend of mine with an authentic looking video from BBC. He said that the video depicted an accident that killed someone we knew. Again, I stupidly clicked on it and was taken to a website I did not recognize. My friend posted soon afterwards, telling us that his account was hacked and we should not click on the posting. I had already done so. Thankfully, no harm was done (I think).

 

The other day, my wife received a message that her Apple ID was used on a new phone. No idea what that was about, since she has not purchased a new phone. 

 

On and on, they keep coming at a faster and faster pace. We feel besieged. The above represents only a few attacks. Who knows how many were stopped by the filters of my laptop’s operating system. 

 

I yern for the days when an email would arrive from a Nigerian address informing me that my relative had died in Nigeria and all I had to do was to fly there and claim my inheritance. 

 

How nostalgic!

How to know a person

 I just finished a book called ‘How to know a Person’ written by David Brooks, a well-known writer and a columnist.  He begins by saying, “When I was young, I wanted to be knowledgeable, but as I got older, I wanted to be wise. Wise people don’t just possess information, they possess a compassionate understanding of other people. They know about life.” This is indeed the journey that many of us go through as we grow in age. 

 

He further writes,” Our schools have focused on preparing people for their careers, but no on the skills of being considerate toward the person next to you…. the quality of our lives and the health of our society depend to a large degree on how well we treat each other in the minute interactions of daily life.”

 

This confirms a survey that I had performed along with a couple of my classmates of our colleagues in college we attended more than 50 years ago. We asked them about the factors that contributed to successful in their lives. Almost invariably, they mentioned their ability to deal with people as a major factor, and pointed out that our college did not prepare us for that.

 

Next, David makes several key points: “There are few things as fulfilling as the sense of being seen and understood. Life gets a lot better if you can see things from other people’s points of view. In how you see me, I will learn to see myself.” He chides us by saying, “How often have you felt prejudged, invisible, misheard or misunderstood? Do you really think you don’t do this to others on a daily basis?” This is a great statement to keep in mind. Whenever I feel slighted by someone’s action, I tell myself to be careful in not doing the same to others. 

 

An interesting statement he makes,  appropriate for these days, “If you want to thrive in the age of AI, you better become exceptionally good at connecting with others.” So true!

 

He then devotes considerable energy toward helping us become better at connecting. The first barrier for most of us is that “we check out the looks of people we meet and immediately start making judgements about them.” Don’t we all? He is black and so he must be blah blah blah. 

 

David suggests we move away from these prejudices… “Illuminate” people…  by using tenderness, active curiosity, affection, generosity, and a holistic attitude.” He says, “Evil happens when people are unseeing, when they don’t recognize the personhood in other human beings”. There is no doubt that during a war, the enemy is not a person. Only then can you commit such horrible atrocities. However, thankfully, that is not the case for most of us. 

 

He recommends that “after the illuminating gaze, accompaniment is the next step in getting to know a person. In these normal moments of life, you are doing stuff together, not face to face but side by side. You are accompanying each other.” He then recommends how to accompany. “The first quality associated with accompaniment is patience. The second is playfulness. Accompaniment often involves surrender of power. Finally, it is the art of presence. Being present at weddings and funerals, for example.”

One intriguing question he raises is “What is a person?”  In answer, he mentions that,” Different people can experience the same event in profoundly different ways. Event happen in our lives but each person processes and experiences the event in their own unique way. There is an objective reality of what happens and there is the subjective reality of how what happened is seen, interpreted and made meaningful.” In other words, “Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you.”

 

“A person is a point of view. Every person you meet is a creative artist who takes the events of life and, over time, creates a very personal view of seeing the world.  As we try to understand other people, we want to be constantly asking ourselves: How are they perceiving this situation? How are they experiencing this moment? How are they constructing their reality?” 

 

My experience is that time and again, I meet people who have such a different view point of things like climate change, immigration, politics, and religion. I should start asking questions to myself that David suggests. “How are they constructing their reality?”

 

Conversation is the answer. “I am going to get to know you at the same time you are going to get to know me. Quality conversation is the essence of this approach.”

 

“Getting to know someone else is usually more about talking and listening than about seeing.  A good conversationalist is a master of fostering two-way exchange. A good conversationalist is capable of leading people on a mutual expedition toward understanding. A good conversation is an act of joint exploration.” 

 

“To become better conversationalist:

·      Treat attention as an on/off switch, not a dimmer. “Stop doing anything else and just pay attention to this.”

·      Be a loud listener. “If you listen passively, the other person ls likely to become inhibited. Active listening is an invitation to express.”

·      Favor familiarity. “To get a conversation rolling, find the things the other person is most attached to.” 

·      Make them authors, not witnesses. “Good conversationalists ask for stories about specific events or experiences, and then they go even further.” 

·      Don’t fear the pause. “Wait for the end of the other person’s comments and then pause for a few beats to consider how to respond to what’s been said. “

·      Do the looping. “You repeat what someone just said in order to make sure you accurately received what they were trying to project. Looping forces you to listen more carefully.” 

·      Apply the Midwife Model. “A midwife is not there to give birth but to simple assist the other person in their own creation. The midwife is there to encourage a deeper honesty.”

·      Keep the gem statement at the center. “This is the truth underneath the disagreement, something you both agree on. Example--- Even if we can’t agree on Dad’s medical care, I have never doubted your good intentions--- If you return to the gem statement during a conflict, you can keep the relationship strong.”

·      Find the disagreement under the disagreement. “Look for moral, philosophical root of why you each believe in what you do.”

·      Don’t be a topper. Don’t say “Your problems are not that interesting to me; let me tell you about my own, much more fascinating ones.””

 

The book them goes on to some specific topics related to how we can see the others in their struggles or see them in their strengths. However, to me the above discussion is at the heart of our inability to deal with people and build long lasting social connections. 

 

There are so many hidden gems in the above list. One of my favorites is “Don’t be a topper.” How often do I say something, or post something, and the other person, without even acknowledging what I have said will come up with what he has done which is better. He is being a topper. I am sure I do something similar myself and I need to be careful. 

 

I believe I am pretty good at “Favor familiarity.” As a management consultant, one of the key points of success was ability to develop trust in the mind of clients, I used to go to their offices and look around. There would be photos of the travels that the person had done, or some hobbies. I was able to start conversation from those. 

 

For people of any age, David Brooks lays out useful lessons. However, for the elderly, with more time in their hands to spend with friends and family, these are crucial skills to acquire. Without them life will not be as fulfilling or fun. 

 

Bolivia

 It is challenging for Americans to enter Bolivia, the poor and land locked country in South America. The instructions on what you need to do to get a visa are confusing and complicated. In some places they mention that you need to get the visa at a Bolivian consulate or embassy in US before you come. For us, living in LA, that would have been possible but the consulate staff is notorious for being unresponsive to phone calls and emails.  Other instructions involve filling out online forms and uploading information. 

We decided to ask the operator of a three-day tour we were taking to cross over from Chile to Bolivia and show us the south western part of that country, including Salar de Uyuni. His instructions were long but clear: Just bring $160 per person in cash (crisp notes), a bank statement (showing that you have enough money to last in Bolivia), a Yellow Fever vaccination certificate for each one of us, our itinerary, our flight details, and filled our immigration forms along with our pictures. Over the weeks preceding our departure, we got all that. Well, all except the Yellow Fever vaccination certificate. Our doctor advised us against taking it (at our age), and provided a very authentic looking form that said that the vaccine was not taken. However, it was very authentic looking. 

 

In the end it all worked out. The immigration officer at the border singled us out from the line of other tourists (mostly Europeans and Brazilians), but did not give us any hassle. One can argue that Bolivians were doing to Americans what we do to them for getting visas. Getting even.

 

However, in spite of the hassle involved, Bolivia is a country that is worth visiting. Absolutely. 

 

First of all, this is the land of superlatives. It has the highest navigable lake in the world, Lake Titicaca, at 12,500’. We went there in 1980, our first visit to Bolivia, and it is an impressive site.

 

Bolivia also has the largest salt flat in the world. Salar de Uyuni is over 4,000 sq miles. Located at 12,000’, it is so large that one cannot see the other end in many places. This was the main objective of our trip this time.

 

Finally, the country boasts the highest capital in the world, La Paz, at 12,000’ and two of the highest cities in the world, Potosi, at 13,500’ and El Alto, right above La Paz, at 13,600’. 

 

The second reason why Bolivia is worth visiting is its population. The country is populated by indigenous people or those of mixed ancestry (Mestizos). Some 70% of population has some native background, and about 20 recognized indigenous groups live in Bolivia. Almost everyone we interacted with in Bolivia had some indigenous background.

 

Evo Morales was the first Indigenous President of the country. He is the one who is credited with creating “Plurinational” State of Bolivia in 2009. In fact, we were in La Paz when they celebrated the 15^th anniversary of signing that new Political Constitution.  

 

In an age when many countries are lurching toward non-secular, non-pluralistic state, this is refreshing.  

 

Yes, Americans are not loved by those in power in this country, but people at large have nothing but affection for us. 

 

Bolivia. One of our favorite countries. 

Overtourism

 Recently, we went to Yosemite National Park. This was our fourth visit over fifty years and it remains as lovely as ever. Those granite walls, magnificent waterfalls, and beautiful meadows are hard to beat.

 

What was different this time was how many people were there. The biggest issue in planning for a hike was not how physically demanding it would be, but if we would be able to find parking. Yosemite Valley, the heart of the park, is now a maze of one-way roads, many closed to private vehicles. The traffic is constant, and the huge parking lots are filled to the brim.  The shuttle buses are so crowded that sometimes one has to stand most of the way. Just like the buses in Mumbai. 

 

Of course, Yosemite is not alone. Going to Mt Baldy near Los Angeles for a hike has the same issues. We had to park, illegally, half a mile from the trail head to be able to hike. There were just so many cars! If you want to climb the peak, you would be out of luck if you arrived after 7 am. There would be no parking.

 

Reminded us of our international travels and how dismayed we were at popular places such as Santorini or Skagway (in Alaska), both stopping points for cruise ships. In Santorini, some of the well-known photo spots were so crowded with the Selfie crowd that you had to stand in line to get to your turn to take the glory shot. In Skagway, there were three cruise ships docked when we drove to the town from Yukon, and the streets were filled with tourists going to curio shops.

 

I have heard horror stories of people trying to get to Amalfi Coast in Italy. Our friends, in an expensive conducted tour, could not see it because there was no parking available for miles. We are told that the situation is even worse in Venice. That small city was crowed when we went there some twenty years ago, but now it is even more so.

 

A few observations:

 

·      First, we are being a little hypocritical because by being at these places ourselves, we are adding to the crowd. Yes, I agree. But we do complain about the LA traffic while contributing to it, don’t we? It is the same thing.

 

·      Second, the cruise ship passengers have as much right to visit a place as we do. It is a different type of travel but if they chose to take it, we have no moral authority to complain.

 

·      Third, being older, we had the opportunity to visit many of these places when they were not overrun with tourists. The younger folks have no choice. It is what it is. 

 

There is no specific solution, except restrict the number by instituting a permit system. Or a lottery, as they do for many hiking areas in US. 

 

If you are not travelling in a group, it is good to know what places the tourists are taken to and when. Then avoid those places and times. Time and again, we have found that to be the solution. 

 

So, in Juneau, we went a couple of miles south of the city, and could observe salmon swimming upstream, while passengers in cruise ships were shopping in the city or being taken by buses to see the Mendenhall Glacier. 

 

In Santorini, peace prevailed after the cruise ship passengers were gone for the evening. Also, there were several spots on the island, accessible by local buses, that had a very manageable crowd of tourists. 

 

In Alaska, Haines, a boat ride away from Skagway, was very peaceful, because it was  not a stopping point for cruise ships taking the Inner Passage. 

 

In the future, perhaps AI supported virtual travel experiences will be so realistic, many folks will avoid going physically. Or, some will find that it is impossible to distinguish between Instagram posting that is real from one that is artificially generated. For them, there will be no reason to brave the real travel to post that priceless selfie in front of Eiffel Tower.