The Grand Plan

“So, I will be inaugurated in a few days. It is going to be a grand event, better than any this country has seen. Steve Bannon suggested I use big banners, like the one Hitler used to use, except put a large T in place of Swastika. I liked the idea, but Ivanka’s husband, who is a Jew, did not think it was appropriate. You see, I cannot afford to piss off Ivanka.  After all, she is the one who is going to run the country.”

“My cabinet is in place, and I have already started doing things to make sure at the end of four years, I would have (1) vanquished my opposition, (2) made billions of dollars, and (3) kept my voter support happy so I get four more years of looting—I mean service to the country.”

“Talking about vanquishing, these pesky liberals need to be taught a lesson or two. They keep calling me names and describe me as an incompetent buffoon, which I am not. Believe me. A tweeter tirade is not sufficient for them, they need something more.”

“That’s where Putin comes in, or Vlad as I call him. As if my own relationship was not enough, I have brought in Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State. He knows Vlad even better. So we are solid. I will let Vlad take a country or two---besides Ukraine, he can have the Baltic countries. Who cares for them? My voters don’t even know they exist. Vlad in return, will open up his Gulags. These prison camps in Siberia haven’t seen much use, and they are dying to stock them up with our liberals. I was gong to request Vlad to call them Trump Gulags, but my advisors told me that that would dilute my brand.”

“You may wonder about my choice to head EPA, Scott Pruitt, who is a climate change denier. Now it may come to you as a surprise that I believe in climate change but I need Pruitt to ensure all our efforts to prevent global warming will come to an end. Guess what parts of our country will suffer most when the ocean levels rise? The two coasts. Who lives on these coasts? Liberals, of course. Let the Fuc***s drown. My city, NY, will suffer but who cares? I live on the top floor, above the floodwater. Besides, I can always get into boat business to save the liberals who can pay. The rest can drown.”

“I intend to increase the pace of global warming by accelerating oil, gas and coal development. Rick Perry, my Energy Secretary, would do that. I know he is a dumbass, but he is a Texan, an oil cowboy. He will get it done. I will get into oil business, except the suckers who voted me in will not know that. A new company, “Great American Oil Company” will emerge, owned by a chimpanzee. Behind him, will be my family. My fat cat lawyers will confuse the corporate structure so no one will know that fact. We will make sure that the chimpanzee is well trained and the suckers will not be able to tell the difference. Just imagine, they thought I was one of them…that’s how dumb they are.”

“You may wonder why I appointed Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education. Like all women, that stupid broad knows nothing about education, but that is the whole point. My plan depends on my constituents being kept as dumb as possible. Who is better than DeVos to make sure of that?”

“Talking about dumb, yes, I know Dr. Ben Carson, fits that category. However, he knows a thing or two about neuroscience. If he comes out with a strong statement about homosexuality as a mental disorder, we will hit a home run with the religious yokels. They all think that he has a direct connection with Jesus Christ based on all the nonsense he is sprouting. So they would believe him and my religious block will remain solid. May be I will open clinics where members of the LGBT community can go to get fixed. I have given Housing and Urban Development to Dr. Carson. He does not know shit about it, nor do I and we don’t care. No idea what that department does anyway.”

“Now on to China. You have observed that I have started making them angry. Let them. At some point, I will make a deal. Take Taiwan in exchange for ten million jobs. Tell me, can you tell the difference between a Taiwanese and a regular Chinese? Why should I care and defend them? I know these shifty eyed people, they are ready to sell their mothers for a deal.”

“ Let’s talk about the undesirables --- the illegal Mexican immigrants and the Muslims. Vlad has told me that the Gulags will have plenty of space for them too. Hey if Roosevelt had Japanese interned in camps on the West Coast, I can send these folks to much bigger facilities in Russia. Vlad has promised that they would arrange for Tacos for the Mexicans and Korans for the Muslims. What else do they need?”

“Finally, the terrorists. I think the only solution is to drop a nuclear weapon on ISIS. What’s the point in having these weapons if you do not use them? Remember, I am not the first one to do so, Harry Truman did that and people love him. They would love me too. Yeah, there will be a few civilians killed, may be a few thousand. But how can you differentiate warriors from civilians in that miserable bunch? Do you think my constituents would care? These are not white Christians we are talking about.”

“I have selected just the right guy to head my Department of Defense to carry out my order. Why do you think they call him James ‘mad dog’ Mattis? Also, you know what happens after destruction? Rebuilding. And, who is the best builder in this whole wide world? You got it.”

“It is all in place. Just you watch.”

I wish I were born now

Last weekend, I heard a lecture by the chief engineer of a company that is creating a car that can fly, or more accurately, a road worthy airplane. The advantages are: the owner of the two-seater airplane can land at an airport and just drive away. Also, if weather turns bad, he/she can land and complete the rest of the journey on road. Such ideas have been floated around but this one seems to have legs.

However, it will be many years until this innovation is in common use, and that made me start thinking: I wish I were born now and have the opportunity to see the world full of such clever devices.

Along the same line of thinking, I most likely will not be around when we finally colonize Mars. Or find life on another planet or moon. Our little granddaughter, Ramona, a few months old, will see space travel become commonplace. She may one day visit moon for vacation, not just Europe. Self-driving electric cars will be the way people would travel. The era of polluting fossil fuel will come to an end and the world will meet almost all its energy using renewables.

At the same time, I am happy that I was not born when my grandfather did. His generation went through two world wars. For him exploring the world meant taking train and go to another town in India. Sicknesses were rampant and two of his daughters died in childhood. He missed out on the world where people carried little computers in their pockets that could provide instantaneous communication, take photographs, give directions, and store in its memory whatever they wished.

Let’s see what is in store for Ramona. Maybe her generation will get the full brunt of environmental catastrophe. Sea levels will rise displacing millions of people and sever draughts will cause starvation for countless others. The tribalism and intolerance that comes with it may make the early 21^st century appear to be the calm before the storm. Religious zealots would make life difficult for those who do not have faith. Education would decline until being illiterate would be considered cool while educated people would be labeled elitists.

For her sake, I hope not.

However, if that comes to pass, Ramona would wish that she were born when her grandfather did.

Three things I don't like about Europe

At the onset, let me begin by saying that Europe is one of our favorite continents to travel to, just like it is for most people in the world. The old world charm, the history, the food and the cities…no other continent can match them.

However, there are three things I don’t like about Europe. Two of them deal with the needs of the bodily functions, the third with a disease. 

First one: Why is it expensive to satisfy my body’s need for water?

In our hotel room in Germany, the price for a bottle of water was almost $7! Down the street, we got a bottle of reasonably god wine for about $5. Where in the world is water more expensive than wine? Also, in a restaurant, they would serve tap water very reluctantly, and only after the waiter has made every effort to give you bottled water.  The look on his/her face while serving tap water is, “Here we go again, some country bumpkins visiting our precious country.”

Second one: Why is it expensive and difficult to satisfy my body’s need to remove water?

We were at Wensee station in Berlin where we were to meet our German friends. We both were jet lagged and in need to find a bathroom in a short order. The bathrooms in the station were not only difficult to find but locked. Who locks toilets? So, we went outside and asked the person sitting in a store where one could find toilets. He said in a firm voice, “No toilets.”  I asked again, this time in German, but the same response, but in an angry voice, “NO TOILETS.” Getting a bit angry myself, I asked him if people in his town do it in the open. “NO, TOILETS.” Fortunately, our friends arrived and drove us to a place with open public toilets. However, there we needed to rustle up exact change in order to feed a turnstile to enter the blessed facility. That turned out to be the case everywhere in Europe. Pay per use. No free toilet.

Third one, a European disease: Why do I get attacked by pickpockets?

We have travelled around the world and I have been pickpocketed four times. Once in Guatemala, which is understandable, given the fairly violent nature of that country. However, the other three times have been in Europe, the bastion of Western civilization.

The first time was in Vienna. I stupidly left my camera bag in my train compartment when I went out to get a newspaper. The bag was gone when I returned. The policeman I complained to was totally unhelpful, and a fellow passenger in my compartment pronounced, “It has to be a foreigner. People in Vienna don’t steal.” I lost my camera equipment, and every roll of film I had exposed in my short vacation.

The second time was in Rome, when kids showing me something mobbed me. Before I knew what was going on, they swiped a pouch in my pocket. It contained airline ticket and Amex Traveller’s checks. This was sheer stupidity on my part. However, there was no loss as both of those got replaced in about two hours.

The third time was in Berlin, just a few days ago, when kids stood in the entrance of the subway car, not allowing me to get in. Once again, I did not realize what was going on, but when they left the car and ran away, I found that the zipper of my fanny pack was open. They took nothing because the only thing I had in that pack was a telephoto lens…of value to me but not to them. I actually had an iPhone in one pocket and some cash in the other. However, the fanny pack acted as a decoy and saved me. I lost nothing this time.

Why do these things happen only in Europe? I roam around everywhere in US, Central America, South America and Asia, and with the exception of one incidence, no one has pickpocketed me. I don’t worry about my wallet, camera or stuff in a fanny pack while boarding a subway train in NY or roaming the streets. No such luck in Europe.

I am sure there are plenty of things that annoy people when they visit US. No place is perfect. Not even Europe.

So unfair

“People are being so unfair. Especially, the so called Liberals.”

“First they ask me for my tax records. Why would anyone do that? How does my tax record---which is beautiful, by the way---prevent me from ruining, I mean running, this country and make it great again? Some days, I feel like, what the hell, let them see my tax records. Let them see how brilliant I am. See how I am capable of making millions of dollars of income disappear. For a thinking citizen, this would be a proof of what I can do with our deficit, which is totally disgusting, by the way. I can easily make it disappear too!”

“Second they ask for my health records. Didn’t they see the glowing report produced by my doctor, one of the best in the country? Didn’t it say that I would be the healthiest person ever to be elected to the office of presidency? Why don’t they believe it? I should have disclosed what else he mentioned. He said that my digestive system is so good that I produce far above average shit. He compared that to what a bull generally produces.”

“Third, they keep hammering me whenever I say nice things about my daughter. Just look at her. How can you blame me if I say that I would date her if she were not my daughter? How can that be incest? I bet Bill Clinton would have said the same thing if his daughter looked like mine, instead of like a dog.”

“Talking about women who look like dogs, think of Hillary. Like all women, she is stupid. She also looks like shit and aggressive as hell. She calls me names.  Compared to her, just look at my wife. She is obedient, like women should be, and a knock out. Hell, there are nude pictures of her on the web. Do you find any of the Clinton women? Who would look at them?”

“They say I hate Mexicans. Nothing can be farther from truth. I have this hideout in Mexico, the most beautiful hideout, believe me, and the Mexican servants there are so nice. My wife has never been raped over there. They also listen to whatever I say. They are clean, like you and me, not dirty. They even eat civilized food like hamburgers, not some crappy tacos. Unfortunately, they all want to come here. I have seen millions of them pouring in everyday. With my own eyes. If I do not build the wall, it will be goodbye America.”

“Also, we have millions of Islamist terrorists pouring in, everyday. They are ready to plunge our country into chaos. They are all Muslims. If we don't stop them, we will become Saudi America with Sharia Law. They are not like you and me. I admit, our guys also go on a rampage and kill a few people now and then. But Muslims, they kill hundreds everyday; it is just not reported by the Liberal media. Believe me. I have seen with my own eyes.”

“It is so unfair that people say bad things about me. They just do not understand.”

Old age and Epicurus

I came across an interesting book while browsing in Harvard Coop bookstore in Cambridge, MA. Titled, “Travels with Epicurus,” it contains ruminations of an elderly writer, Daniel Klein, as he tries to find what makes old age fulfilling. To do so, he carried a bunch of books written by philosophers, primarily Greek, and went to Hydra, a Greek island. There he observed how the elderly on that island enjoy their old age, focusing on one old guy, Tasso, and his friends.

The book is filled with interesting philosophies and observations on old age. He quotes Epicurus a lot (and hence the title of the book). Epicurus is the one who said, “Best possible life one could live is a happy one, a life filled with pleasure.” He further observes, “The old age is pinnacle of life, as good as it gets.”

This observation is along the same line as what most of us have experienced, that the “young” old age is when you have everything, time, health, wealth, and freedom from duties (unless you have elderly parents to take care of). I wrote a Blog Post on the subject in January 2015.

Further, Epicurus says, “It is not the young man who should be considered fortunate but the old man who has lived well, because the young man in his prime wanders much by chance, vacillating in his belief, while the old man has docked in the harbor, having safeguarded his true happiness.”

As a counter to that “old man with his ship docked in the harbor,” Klein coins a term “forever young” to describe elderly who are trying to remain young forever, by making bucket lists and trying to run around with as much vigor as when they were young. According to him, “Many forever youngsters are driven by the frustration of not having fully achieved the goals they dreamed of attaining when they were younger; they see their final years as a last chance to grab some elusive brass ring.”

He elaborates on his disdain for a bucket list, “New experiences and new things couldn’t possibly be boring, could they? Well apparently they often could. Newness itself gets old. At the twelfth place to see before dying, viewing exotic terrain gets to be old hat---you’ve already done exotic eleven times.”

So what needs to be done? Epicurus says, “Scale down and enjoy the leisurely pleasures of old age.” That is what the Greek person that Klein is observing, Tasso, is doing. He spends his days enjoying company of his friends sitting at a tavern.

“Tasso is enjoying his companions without wanting anything from them. He simply wants his friend to be with him. He wants him to share conversation, laughter, and, most importantly, silence. Epicureans considered communal silence a hallmark of true friendship.” This is such an important point. I too have observed that when your friendship with someone reaches certain level, there is no need to constantly converse.

Another thing that Klein suggests is to feel free to complain and discuss your problems with your friends, health in particular. “If we do not let it all hang out in front of our friends, we are cheating ourselves out of one of old person’s best palliatives.” I have observed this to be true. After certain age, there is no need for us to put up a façade that we are a picture of perfect health. We all have issues, and talking about them makes us feel good. 

Klein observes that, “Accumulated experience is what an old person has in abundance. The trick is to slow down enough that this accumulated experience can be contemplated and even, hopefully, savored.” That plus using your mind to pursue philosophical matter is what he recommends. “Leaving the world of commerce and politics behind, we are free to focus our brainpower on other matters, often more intimate and philosophical matters.”

This, according to Klein, is a “fulfilled” old age, as different from “forever young” old age. If we do not follow on his advise, “We proceed directly from the “forever young” stage of life to old old age, missing forever the chance at being a fulfilled old man docked in harbor, having safeguarded his true happiness. We lose out on the pinnacle of life, as per Epicurus.”

Klein has choice words for the old old age. “Senility and incontinence are what we have to look forward to in old old age. The medical science, at great expense, has largely given us extended years of decrepitude. ‘Alive is the new dead.’ Old old age stinks. It is difficult to see geriatric depression as a mental disorder; it seems more like an authentic and fitting response. The entire prospect of gradually and inevitably falling apart, with death as the only possible relief, not only fills me with terror, it overwhelms me with anger.”

So should one live in despair before the inevitable happens and we enter old old age? According to Klein, a middle path is what is required. “Perhaps authentic old age can consist of neither the breathless ambition of the forever youngster nor unremitting despair, but something meaningful in itself.”

Klein spends time in describing Hindu and Buddhist philosophies as quite relevant to finding meaning. “Zen Buddhism teaches mindfulness as the path to enlightenment –full consciousness, a continuous, clear awareness of the present moment.”

Poet William Blake beautifully describes living in the present moment:

“He who binds to himself a joy

Does he winged life destroy

But he who kisses the joy as it flies

Lives in Eternity’s sunrise.” 

This is a good book to read if for nothing else to learn what wise folks say about becoming old. I have personally struggled with the question with no clear answer. In one of my earlier Posts, “The Stage of Just Living” of February 2016, I made similar observations as those of Epicurus while indicating the difficulties in following that advice. On the other hand, I have followed “forever young” type of life in my retirement, and old age. I would frankly be bored after a few days of living the life that Tasso is living. Perhaps, there is an age before old old age sets in but after I get tired of bucket lists and search for new experiences. That’s when it would be good to follow advice of the philosophers of the past.