Mr. Buffo's presidency

It is hard to believe that two years have passed since the momentous events of 2016. So much has happened. Let me describe.

It all began with Mr. Buffo winning the Republican Party nomination. With the frenzy that he had whipped up, and the way he trounced his opponents, there was no alternate outcome. What was not anticipated is the sudden passing away of the Democratic front-runner. She was not young and the strain of campaigning finally got to her. Stunned by this unforeseen event, the Democratic Party out forth a candidate, who, in reality, had no chance against the juggernaut of Mr. Buffo.

So, Mr. Buffo won by a landslide. “I am the greatest,” he proclaimed in his usual humble manner. “We are going to make America great again,” he promised.

The inauguration was held at night, on request from Mr. Buffo. That way, he could have a commanding rally, similar to those held by the man he admired---that German leader who rose to power in the late 30s. Here is a picture of that rally. Mr. Buffo also had searchlights pointing upward during his inauguration, just the way the other guy did.

There were huge banners with large T emblazoned in the center. The attendees were given gold colored shits with a large T in front. No one who did not have the requisite shirt was allowed to participate. It was a grand sight.

He did not bother to have someone hold the Bible and a judge swearing him in. Like Napoleon, he crowned himself by mumbling his oath.

Then he spoke, and the crowd listened to their Messiah.

“We are going to make America great again. Just the way it was 100 years ago, when women and non-whites knew their places in the society. We will show the world that we are the greatest.  I promise you, we will clobber the crap out of whoever disagrees with what we want to do. That’s the way I ran my business and that’s the way I will run my country.” There was a thunderous applause, and a salute of Hail Buffo.

“The days of political correctness are over. If you want to call Mexicans Wetbacks, that is fine with me. Most are rapists and thugs anyway. Go ahead, you don’t need to call those black guys ‘African Americans,’ I prefer the other words much more.”

Thus began the presidency of Mr. Buffo.

As promised, he asked Mexico to give 50 billion dollars to build a wall at the border. “Jódete,” said the Mexican president. When President Buffo realized what it meant (Fu** you) he was beside himself. He wanted to invade Mexico right away and had to be persuaded not to do that. Reluctantly, he came up with another plan to raise funding.

“We will have to impose a ‘Make America Great Again’ tax on our people,” he said. His followers, keen to see America of 100 years ago come back again, reluctantly agreed. Thus funds were raised and the wall was built.

However, a curious thing happened. Harassed by white Americans, who thought it was fine to do that under President Buffo’s reign, most Mexicans decided to leave and go back to Mexico. However, the wall prevented them from doing that. President Buffo had forgotten to put any doors in the wall. Mexico managed to send ships to evacuate those desperate to leave America, Dunkirk style.

Of course, the whole agriculture sector in the South collapsed. There were no laborers available to replace the Mexicans. The gardens of rich backers of Mr. Buffo wilted and the lawns turned brown. There were no nannies available to take care of kids. “You are not making America great, as you promised,” hollered some of the backers.

Meanwhile, Buffo was busy fulfilling his other promise. He demanded that all Muslims wear a crescent moon symbol on their garments, so people could identify potential terrorists. The borders were sealed for Muslims. Insulted by this assault on their religion, the countries in the Middle East started an embargo of their oil. The price of gasoline soared and once again there were lines at the pump. Furious, Mr. Buffo sent all Muslims to Internment Camps. “Hey Roosevelt did that with the Japanese, why can’t I?”

In order to facilitate transfer to the Internment Camps, President Buffo had to come out with a new group of enforcers. Called Make America Great GREAT Official Troops---MAGGOTS for short, had full authority to what they wanted, over and above the other agencies and departments.

Emboldened by his success at spawning MAGGOTS, President Buffo picked his next target. He called the Chinese leader and told him to shape up or US will halt all its trade with his country. “Nī tā mā de,” said the Chinese leader. “Fu** you.” All exports to China stopped and so did all import. Soon the shelves in American malls were emptied. There was practically nothing that the consumers could buy. President Buffo, who had managed to keep control of his business in spite of being President, started a manufacturing plant to make some of the things, but when he mentioned what he would be willing to pay, no American worker was interested. “You are fired,” he said, fondly remembering the simpler times.

“I will pay more attention to the Chinese,” he declared, and he found a way to do that. Noticing that a large majority of graduate students in some of the best colleges in US were Chinese and Indians, he decreed that the admissions to those ‘others’ be suspended so that more of ‘us’ can be admitted. “Until we find out what the hell is going on.”

Colleges were asked to open their doors to anyone who wanted to attend, without any consideration to grades or recommendations. It took about a year, but by the end of it, most colleges were in dire trouble and foreign students went to Europe, which welcomed them with open arms.

Eventually, what was inevitable happened. The country’s finances unraveled, riots broke out, and his folks were ready to lynch him. “I would like the country to declare bankruptcy,” he demanded. “That is the way I have always managed to get out of such messy situations.”

When reminded that he could not declare the country bankrupt, he said he did not want to play this game. “You are all idiots, and do not appreciate what a great leader I have been.” With that he resigned.

Thus began the reign of Rush Limbaugh, the Vice President who was waiting for such a chance.