Fear of Flying

One evening, long time ago (mid 80s), I was flying from Kansas city to Boston, via Washington DC. The dinner served on the flight (remember those days) was finished and we were waiting for the trays to be cleared by the flight attendants before landing.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a loud boom and a flash, as a lightening struck the side of the plane I was sitting on. This was scary, to say the least, and the woman in the middle seat screamed. Then, what followed was most horrendous turbulence I had ever encountered as the plane made its way through a massive thunderstorm. The woman kept screaming, while the attendants shouted that we should put the trays below the seat in front of us, if we were concerned about the remaining food and drinks flying in our face.

The flight was over pretty soon, and we landed in Washington without any problems, but I was shaken up. I was not even sure if I wanted to get on the connecting flight to Boston. I did, because I had no choice, and it was a smooth flight.

However, that incidence left me with a fear of flying, or more accurately, fear of turbulence, that I cannot shake off even to this day.  I approach each upcoming flight with trepidation.  I check weather to see what I might encounter during the flight and sit near the window, so I can look outside and see what the clouds are doing. I sit apprehensively as the aircraft maneuvers around thunderstorms. If it is a night flight, I do not sleep well, with an illogical thought that somehow my keeping awake is important to my safety when the airplane encounters rough air.

This is a completely irrational fear. There is no chance that the plane will break apart or comedown as a result of turbulence. As an engineer, I can vouch for that. Even the Air France flight, which came down a few years ago in Atlantic while flying through violent weather, did so because of a faulty pitot tube combined with pilot error. Not due to turbulence.

However, the neural connections in my brain have become rewired because of that scary incidence near Washington and can not be reset to their previous state when, like most people, I had no fear and could calmly read a newspaper while the airplane was going through violent motions.

Of course, I have managed to figure out how to continue flying; not having done so would have been a major issue for a management consultant while I was working, and for a world traveller that I have been and hope to continue to be. I play games with mind to make it think that it is a rough bus ride not an airplane flight. I mentally establish thresholds for acceptable vibrations and make my mind ignore those that are below that threshold (a very engineering response to an irrational situation).  I have a glass of wine if it is an evening flight. Somehow I survive.

On the positive side, this has made me realize and accept that even the most rational person can behave irrationally.  Hopefully, it has made me a more tolerant person.