Aren’t these great times?
Facebook now allows me to connect on a daily basis with previously long lost friends and relatives. Blogs provide me with a soap box over which I can stand and provide my point of view on any topic I feel like. With my cell phone, and sensible pricing schemes, calling anyone in the world from anywhere has become a synch. Typing in a few words of SMS is now an impulsive and instantaneous activity. Broadcast emails with extensive mailing lists allow me to reach out to lots of people with my thoughts, opinions, and ideas.
For someone like me who gets kicks out of carrying out meaningful conversations with a diverse set of people, these are indeed wonderful developments.
However, I now realize that there are other types of people around in the world---those who are not much into communicating. These are the people who never respond to a broadcast email. They are your friends on Facebook, but they remain invisible. They are the ones who do not pick up the phone on the other hand---the caller ID having revealed that it is you who is calling.
To some extent, I see their point. In most cases it is us who have imposed ourselves on their quiet nook. We can not expect them to behave the same way as us or have the same needs. They have enough things going on in their lives that these overcommunicating activities play a secondary role. Or they just prefer to be left alone, either because of inherent shyness or fear that their communicating skills are not good.
They do not rejoice the availability of these multiple channels. They have no need share what they feel at any moment, their views on Sarah Palin, or what they did over the weekend. They probably think we are too pushy, self absorbed, and opinionated.
We need to respect their wishes. We need to stop being annoyed if they do not respond to our broadcast emails or do not participate in a hot discussion.
However, I feel that the behavior adjustment has to take place on both sides. The undercommunicators need to observe some level of courtesy in their dealings with people like us. A direct email (not a broadcast one) needs to be responded, the phone needs to be picked up. There are ways of expressing your desire that you don’t want to be bothered without being so obvious.
If these adjustments are not made, I am afraid that some relationships are going to end up being weakened, or even wrecked, as a result of these tools instead of getting strengthened.
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I agree. Like in face to face situations one has to accomodate the communication style of others. I am a communication fan and I too get irritated when people do not respond at all to calls, SMS or emails. Media like facebook is more a communication to your community of friends and no response is expected but it is great to get a response - at least with a "Like".
ReplyDeleteThanks Sharad, I though I was alone in my irritation. One of my younger relatives got quite angry when I gently reminded her that I was hoping for a response to one of my emails. I don't think I desreved that.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that there are also those who may feel enriched by reading the blogs or the emails, and even agree (more or less) with all that they may read, but may feel that it is not so very important to share their thoughts or responses. So the writer should simply do what she/he wants to do, rather than worry about the responses. Indeed, if there are responses, positive or negative, feel satisfied about having provoked some of the readers.
ReplyDeleteRaju, us overcommunicators hope but don't expect the recepients of our broacast email, or visitors to our blogs, to respond. We, however, feel good if they do. But we do expect that a targeted communication would be responded, or at least not be ignored systematically, unless the recepient is trying to tell us something.
ReplyDeleteYou have brought up an interesting topic, particularly in the modern age. I think an expectation of response existed at all times. However, perhaps the difference now is that modern tools, which reach communication to the receiver within minutes anywhere, there is an expectation of an increasingly quick response. When it does not come, some sort of disappointment starts to set in. The sender tends not to be aware that the receiver nowadays receives a deluge of communication.
ReplyDeleteKiran, absolutley right. A "new normal" in communication has to be found which balances the expectations of the sender with the reality of the receiver. Both may need to change to make this happen, which is the message I am trying to convey.
ReplyDeleteFor this reason, when someone addresses a mail to me personally, and not as one of a group, I often send replies like "Received", "Noted", "Thanks!", "This is only an acknowledgment, I will reply in detail later", etc. I see some others also doing something similar. The idea is - some response is better than no response. I know I like it that way as a receiver.
ReplyDelete