Enough is enough

When we were traveling most of 2019, and staying in multiple hotels, Airbnbs, and homes of family members and friends, there were two challenges we faced almost every time: How to operate the shower and a far greater one, how to make the TV work.  Each time we wanted to watch something, we were confronted with multiple remote controls, with scant explanation on what buttons to press to see the evening news, or watch a movie. 

Now that we have a place to stay, our household is no different. We are proud owners of four remote controls, one each for TV, cable, the sound bar, and Roku. Together, they have 120 different buttons you can press, some of which would be meaningless to you, as they are to us. To get the news channel, you press the TV power button on the sound bar remote and then the source button on TV remote to make sure you are on HDMI 2.  Next comes the cable remote’s turn. It allows you to select the channel. Now, once you get the channel you want, you need to go back to the sound bar remote to adjust volume. 

 

Want to watch a movie? We subscribe to Netflix and Amazon Prime channels. However, to get there, you will need to select HDMI 4 as the source and then learn how to operate the Roku remote. Again, don’t forget, the sound volume cannot be controlled by any remote except the one for the sound bar. 

 

Isn’t technology wonderful? I am an engineer, so this all should be easy. However I am also a senior citizen and find the product complexity unnecessary and infuriating. Pray tell me, why do I need so many choices?

 

Talking about that we bought a Subaru about a year ago. This is a stripped down version but yet it comes with mind-boggling number of buttons and screens.  The main instruction manual is a five hundred and thirty nine page long. It is choke full of information on how to operate the vehicle and its accessories. The section on seats, seatbelts and SRS airbags run for mind-numbing seventy-six pages! Do they expect their customers to go through this crap just to make sure that they are properly restrained in their cars?

 

If you want to know all about instruments and controls, you need to read just one hundred pages, and another hundred will tell you all you need to know about starting and operating the vehicle. 

 

I didn’t read all these pages, of course, but had to glance through them to figure out what most of the switches and buttons do. The last thing I want to happen is press the ejection seat by mistake (I am kidding). Still there were some switches that were not mentioned in the Instruction manual. Two were hidden in the overhead console and two near cruise control.  Then, I read somewhere that if my vehicle is equipped with the EyeSight system then I need to get another manual for that. I was told that indeed our vehicle has an EyeSight system, so I went to the website and found a pdf file of the manual. Guess how many pages are there in that manual? One hundred and sixteen! 

 

We are reaching a state of absurdity, I think.  Yes, AI will come to rescue when all we will have to do is to speak properly and the system will do what we want. No instruction manuals required. However, until that happens, we are caught into this quicksand of increased product complexity, driven primarily by “we will give choices because we can, not because anyone asked us to. “

 

Interestingly, at the other end of the spectrum are some products made by companies such as Apple. They have taken the elegance and simplicity of their products to an absurd level and end up creating the same level of frustration as those that come with too much information, as in the above examples. 

 

So, recently, we got the Apple TV to replace Roku, which is also a streaming device you connect to your television. You get a neat little box containing neat little black components of the device, and practically no instructions. I figured out how to connect the main unit to my TV, but had a great deal of difficulties understanding what the remote did. As I said, there are no instructions. Like the ape in 2001: A Space Odyssey, puzzled at encountering a slick black obelisk, I looked at the small thin black obelisk in my hand, turning it around, and wondering how one can use it to go up and down a simple menu on the screen. 

 

Finally, it took an explanation from our son-in-law to figure out that the top part of the remote is like the touch pad on my laptop. You move your fingers and press it to create action on what you see on TV. Also, there is a Siri like capability on the remote. You just say what you want to watch and it will appear on your screen. Would it have destroyed Apple’s brand image if they said these things on a small piece of paper in the box? 

 

Same issues with their new iPhone. My wife and I went through a hilarious episode when we could not figure out how to switch the damn thing off! Now we are not dumb…we have gone to college and earned many degrees among the two of us. Is something wrong with us or the manufacturers just don’t get it? 

 

I say, enough is enough.

Sharing vs. Showing off

 Recently, I wrote a Blog post on why can’t we stop showing off (1^st December 2020). The main part of that post was a story in NY Times about how to get readers get introduced to classical music. This was filled with experts selecting obscure pieces and describing in such technical terms that only other experts will understand. I thought they were showing off instead of sharing their knowledge. 

I followed that soon after with a document introducing the recipients to classical music. Prompted by a gentle jab from a friend asking if now I was showing off, I started thinking. First, I asked the recipients if they felt that I was indeed showing off. I got a resounding response….no I was not. Then, I thought about when sharing becomes showing off. Here is what I came up with. Let’s start from the very beginning. 

 

What do we share?

 

We share information about ourselves, where and how we live, our family, what we do, our hobbies. 

 

We share our experiences, our travels, the places we have visited, the people we have met, the places where we have dined.

 

We share knowledge, something we know, we have learned, we have studied, we have researched.

 

We share our wealth, donate to worthy causes, help a family member, help a friend in need.

 

Why do we share?

 

We share information about ourselves as a way of establishing a social network. Our relationships in part are based on knowing about each other and establishing trust.

 

We share our experiences to learn about what each one of us have done, where we have gone, what types of friends we have made. 

 

We share our knowledge because it is a part of our job, to help someone learn something new, to start a discussion on a new topic.

 

We share our wealth because of altruistic purposes, and make ourselves feel good.

 

Why else do we share?

 

An additional reason for sharing is that being liked, admired, and respected by others will boost our ego.

 

People may say good things about our lives, our family our house, our car, our skills, and that will boost our ego.

 

The listeners will praise us for the experience we have had, places we have visited, folks we have met, and that will boost our ego.

 

Our audience of our lecture will be mesmerized by our knowledge and be grateful because they learned something new. That will boost our ego.

 

We will get heartfelt thanks for the funds received by a worthy cause. Or family member or friend who we assisted will pledge eternal gratitude and that will boost our ego.

 

Now, in an ideal situation, we should be living a life free from ego, as our wise people say. However, most of us it is impossible to achieve that state. So, this additional reason is important, and for many it might be the driver for sharing.

 

When does sharing become showing off?

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

The person listening to us talk about our house, our life, our family, our car may also think how egotistical we are. Although that is not what they will say in our faces. Their praise will not be sincere.

 

The folks listening to us talk, without them asking, about our experiences may think, “Here he goes again. I have heard about your Antarctica trip enough number of times. Just shut up.” Of course, they will maintain their pleasant demeanor.

 

The audience of our lecture, or a recipient of a massive document containing our knowledge, will say “I don’t understand a thing. If he were genuinely trying to impart knowledge, why wouldn’t he take my interests and limitations in to account?”

 

The person listening to our tales of donation will say, “He is doing it just to brag about it.”

 

In short, the recipient of our exchange will think that we are showing off.

 

Now again, for some this may be the ultimate goal. Getting their ego stroked is not sufficient, they want to feel superior to the recipients.

 

How can we stop showing off?

 

Showing off can be harmful in several ways. The relationships we are trying to build may not take hold and the existing ones my erode. We will come across as an egomaniac or a fool, not the most complimentary descriptions to aspire to. 

 

So, we should be aware when our sharing may slip into showing off. How do we do that?

 

The most important element in making sure we don’t fall into the trap is to know the recipients of our sharing. Who is the audience?

 

It is one thing if we are talking about our big house on a seashore with someone in the same wealth level, another if the listener is a person with more modest means.

 

It is one thing if we are comparing notes with another well-travelled person, another if the friend has barely left town.

 

It is one thing if we are discussing classical music with a peer, another if we are doing that with a layperson who is genuinely interested in knowing more about the field.

 

It is one thing if we keep the story of our donations just to ourselves, another if we use it to impress a new set of recipients…our family and friends. 

 

That’s my thinking on the topic.