“Mr. Vice President. Mr. Speaker of the House. The members
of the Congress. My fellow American citizens.
The state of the union is terrible…and I have managed to do
that in just one year. Single handedly. Just look around you.
To begin with, I have by now managed to offend people living
in almost every country. I started with Mexico, as you may remember. Then I
went after China. However, my masterstroke was calling the entire continent of
Africa as a “shithole”. No president in
history has done such a good job in such a short time. This is what you get
when you elect a stable genius to run the country.
It gets even better. Those who I have not offended are
laughing at us. By my idiotic positions on issues, total ignorance of how the
world runs, and a compulsive need to insult anyone who does not agree with me,
even the folks in white countries…the good countries…are wondering who is
running the great United States of America.
When you look inside our country, there is almost no
minority that is not pissed off. By not condemning the White Supremacists,
ignoring the demands of the African Americans, and insulting Hispanics, I have
covered a lot of ground. May be there are some minorities left out but I will
get to them eventually.
Moving on, I have made sure that our country will not
participate in any effort to fight climate change. I don’t believe in science
and I am convinced that the whole thing is a hoax. If the sea level rises and
drowns the liberal cities on the coasts, so be it. Good riddance. I will move
to Norway before New York gets flooded.
As you must have noticed, I have managed to pass a tax bill
that benefits me and other rich folks. The rest of the country, the poor and the
middle class…they will get nothing. Still, I have managed to convince those idiots
that I am doing everything for them. Ha ha. Also, let’s not forget what I have
done to the next generation. They will get saddled with a huge deficit. What
better job could I have done of wrecking their future?
I know, I could not repeal the Obamacare, but I have dealt
it such a blow that it will fail. There is nothing to replace it, because I
have no clue what healthcare is all about. I just wanted to go after the black
president who was born in Kenya. You are right in observing that I have
reversed the course on everything he put in place.
I am trying very hard to eliminate all who are involved with
investigating me. I managed to get rid of Comey and have done my best to
destroy FBI. I would have fired Mueller
if it were not for the weakling of a lawyer who works for me. Worry not; the Justice Department will not
dare to touch me. I am their boss. I will dissolve the whole department if it
comes to that.
Finally, I am hard to work on destroying the free press. I
have a simple formula: Just call everything most of them report “Fake News.”
The only exception is the truth reported by Fox News. I wonder why no one else
though of it. Simple. I am the best president you have ever elected.
Fellow citizens, I have achieved a lot in one year. There is
more to come. You ain’t seen nothing yet.
Good night and God bless you.”
